“Nothing we do as individuals matters, but it is vitally important to do it anyway.”
What do I do when I can’t do anything? Well, I have to do something! This was my plan when I found myself sitting in a large room with an dripline attached to a port, feeding chemotherapy directly into my bloodstream. After six hours of sitting there, glancing at the television, at the nurses, and at the other people undergoing their own chemo “cocktail”, I decided this was not going to work. I had at least five more infusions, and I wasn’t going to pass the time like this. I decided to sew.
What should I make? I couldn’t bring my sewing machine; it had to be something I could sew by hand. I decided to make doll clothes. I had the material scraps, needle and thread, and every three weeks, I had six hours to kill.
(Note to self: “Hours to kill” How funny! I had hours to kill because some wayward little cells were out to kill me.)
So the next infusion session, I started sewing doll clothes. I really enjoyed it. The nurses and some of the other patients were curious about what I was doing, so the activity provided an opportunity for conversation. I heard other people’s stories about their dolls, their sewing projects, and their cancer. It turned out that – like me – the other patients were curious about why we were all in that room. We were interested in talking about cancer and how we were doing, but we did not know how to broach the subject. A little doll dress did the trick.
I ended up making several outfits, so I bought a doll and donated the doll and the outfits to a local fundraiser for Christmas gifts. As for the doll, I like to think that I sent her off into the world with confidence. Who knows? Maybe she even became an influencer of other dolls and started her own fashion website. I like to think she feels good about it. Sewing her clothes was time well spent.